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RelapseIt’s like counting
along your limbs -
remembering a time
‘just one more’
made you feel better.
- & you’re sitting there
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s
We fight for our dream.
We're just waiting to die.
The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.
The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.
So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?
Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?
Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"
Battle in my MindEat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
I love you..
the name that cuts like a knife,
it's all that you see inside,
is breaking with every breath I take
the only thing I can't seem to face.
In The Daylight
In The Daylight
A false downfall
An unexpected revival
Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness
In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest
I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic
I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid
A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete
Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat
Ode to the boy with diamonds for eyesI think we were a collision course waiting to happen
And when I think back to the day when we first
Stumbled across one another, red sneakers hanging off gutters
Cherry cola voice overs and dilated pupils
We led one another on to believe in the night sky of connect the dot constellations
You wanted to dissect me and peer into the insides of my lungs
Only to find witches breath and dandelions
Slicing iron vowels you locked your hands in mine
And we fell into the static of dreaming disease
The operating table broke away to reveal a sky that never existed
And we couldn't help but laugh at the irony
Because wishing was never an option
wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.
she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"
in that moment,
we forget to exist.
Our MasksThe masks we wear are perfect
Never loose and rarely tight
They keep us safe from others
And keep our demons out of sight
They smile when we are broken
And laugh when we simply must
No blemish or imperfection
A creation that will never rust.
I seldom ever remember
Who I am without my mask
That to peel off that layer
Is such a daunting task
All others carry one as well
Wherever they may go
And no matter what is on their minds
Only the molded mask will show.
The lies they preach in public
Or the scars along their wrists
Are left mute to others knowledge
Ignorance is such a splendid gift
My mask is oh so perfect
Not a crack will show
We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.
It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.
We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.
There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Nobody even asks my ideas,
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.
But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.
That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.
But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.
No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.
So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.
Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.
In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.
There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop
Lost In ConfusionLost In Confusion
My mind is spinning without a rest
Emotions whirl and twirl around
A merry-go-round gaining speed
Until the world blurrs before my eyes
What's happening? What's going on?
The simplest thought slips away
Right from my mind, fading so fast
Trying to focus, I stare and stare
Until my eyes are heavy and unclear.
I don't understand, what is going on..
Emotions rise and fall again
Within the blink of an eye
I'm crying, laughing, and depressed
A roller-coaster ride that never ends
Am I losing my mind in this?
I try to close my eyes and rest
But the world spins me around
I feel like I am failing this test
Voices and noises echo
Deactivatedthere are voids and black holes
papercuts sinking deep into
only to meet the unmarred love
of bones, strong and
bare and pure.
dark oceans are bleached
into tears that leave nothing
but sea salt in my lips
and my words are injustice
to the death of
this is me
trying to be
trying to preserve the ardor
of your words
and the honey sweet taste
of your passion
how my lungs work
(when I don't read something from you
I die more than a little on the inside).
With This RingWith this ring,
I swear to keep myself pure.
To not give myself away until the night of my marriage,
To the one whom God has chosen for me.
With this ring,
I swear to avoid the temptations
That may lead me astray
And defile me.
With this ring
I swear to not only keep my body pure,
But to keep pure my mind.
To not think perverted thoughts,
To not corrupt myself from within.
With this ring,
I swear that all of what I am will be pure
For he who is to be my husband.
Red Queen's RantOff with their heads! Off with their heads!!
Sleep forever!! In graves, no beds!!
I AM the queen of fine space
Atop this mound, none in my place!!
I give the command, they hasten to do
"Who is the fairest?!" They all say, "You!"
Aha aha, I am the best
The one that beats all the rest!!
Cards, cards, wonderful cards, I order you around
Shuffled, stacked, placed in order....then SCATTERED to the ground!!
"Bippity bop, boppity bip," the song I love to sing
"Boppity bip, OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!!" Oh yes, it has a ring!!
Where's that girl, that strange little girl, that tried to make a fuss?
The one that caused a raucous in kingdom made o
Ice...I walk the floors of frozen beauty, lifeless and chilled white
The sickles funnel to the ground, suspended from their height;
I feel the wind from open cracks, from every vacant space
Refreshing drops of melting ice, hits me in face;
I make a turn into the ice that shelters all the rock
I say, "Hello," to the untouched dark and all the voices that mock;
This cave is long and winding still, I cannot seem to find
The end to it and all the turns that leave me in a bind;
I feel no chill upon my hand from every wall I touch
I see the heat escape my mouth; I speak, but not too much;
This frozen cave, suspended in time, preserved for all t
The Call and Lure of an Ancient Dragon (pt.2)As I walked and finally realized the truth...
"Oh, how I was fooled by you
You Keeper of the Flame,
You led me by my lustful desires
And I was victim to your game;
I gave my years for youth in bliss
But never gained my will
I lost my years, by your ill kiss
But never gained my fill;
But now I see you for the thing that you are really worth
A fool to me and others too, misplaced your position at birth;
Oh how I laugh at your attempts to make me turn away
I once was lost, but now I'm found..I have a lot to say;
Give ear to me, like I to you, lose your pride and grace
Now I have found my will again, to run this per
The Call and Lure of an Ancient Dragon (pt.1)I've spoken with a dragon, walked with it too
This was the message, "From me, to you."
"The way of the truth is narrow and straight
You've walked with me from morning to late;
How I lead you away from the way of the light
And you, being naive, never put up a fight;
You've walked and walked alone with me, til all the lights were dim
I've lead you astray...away from Him, survival chance was slim;
Through fire and flame, you chased me, yet, you could not seem to gain
The power I said that you could have, if you allowed my reign;
But now you seem to break my hold, no longer hypnotized
You laugh at me in my domain...why am I not surpris
The Chesire Cat's TaleAhh, a tale of a girl that stumbled upon
a thought in her mind that weighed a ton;
"Ordinary" avoided, ordinarily hidden
The hole of a rabbit, a ride, she ridden;
To drink two drinks, both great and small
A tiny door, but she, so tall;
Dilemmas, dilemmas, what to do?
Go back "that" way, or rabbit, pursue...?
Door knob turns, door knob twists
Followed his path by turning her wrists;
Long hair of sun, dress blue like sky
Curiosity in mind, exploring in eye;
The day is sleeping, the night has come
Ha! You found me, hanging like a plum;
My stripes are not of a cat you've seen
They once were purple...and now...they're green!
Say Yes and Die...You wish to be mine? You want to stay with me forever?
Kiss me. Let it set you free. Let it allow you to float way into the endless sky. May you never come back down to the world that caused you heartache. May it be your escape from pain. Let love lift you, and my arms hold you up. Kiss me and forget the former life you had. Kiss me and die to this world. Become oblivious to the things that held you captive.
For only a minute....become lifeless to your life
and become a part of mine...
Screaming from the BalconyFeel the need to bleed for me
To bleed for life and liberty
Apart from pain, and guilt that holds
Refrain from touching divers golds
You live your lives accordingly
Fight to survive, and to be free
Don't let that right slip through your hands
Applaud and clap from within your stands
A speech, a speech, a speech, a speech
Time to practice what I preach
He stares at all the people out
He opens his mouth, but..
words wont come out....
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More